Author Archives: megan.bowles

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Freshwoman Year

Posted on November 19, 2011 by megan.bowles

bearcat high five.

Coming into Baruch, I expected my classes to be much more challenging than they turned out to be. I was surprised to find that classes were much easier than my high school classes and the work load was completely manageable. I expected to struggle much more starting out and thought I would be behind in everything and have a hard time catching up, but the transition was quick and I was able to handle the courseload.
I didn’t expect to make any friends here but I feel like now I am starting to :)
I am mostly happy with how my first semester has gone so far. My classes have all gone really well aside from precalculus, but even that hasn’t been as disastrous as I expected. I’m proud of the work that I’ve done getting to this point. But I don’t want to jinx things because we still have finals to deal with so I have plenty of time left to screw everything up…
If I could start things over again I would probably drop math on day one, speak up more in my classes, and in general try to be more outgoing. I feel like there’s been a lot I wanted to say that I just kept to myself because I couldn’t find the confidence to raise my hand and say it. I also wish I could have been less nervous around everyone the whole way through. Basically since orientation I just expected no one to like me and felt too anxious to open up around people. As the semester went on, I realized a lot of other people also had a hard time approaching people or felt alone in the school, and it wasn’t just me. I think if I could go back I would try to be more involved and join clubs so that I could get to know people better.
Since it’s still been less than three months… I don’t really think I’ve changed much at all. I guess I am starting to feel a little more confident in my abilities. I know I still stress too much that I’m not smart enough but I think slowly I’m getting better about it. I’ve been working on not believing anymore that I’m stupid and don’t belong in college and I believe eventually I will get there. I’m still too quiet, but I speak up a little bit more than I did on the first day. I feel very lucky that I have had classmates nice enough to see past the shell and make the effort to get to know me. It’s still an ongoing process, but I’m starting to feel more comfortable at school and less afraid all the time. Also I know a lot more about derivatives than I did when I came into Baruch which will be useful in my life… never.
Overall, I am happy with my freshman year at Baruch so far. I’m ready to recharge  over winter break and am looking forward to the spring semester.

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monologue

Posted on October 23, 2011 by megan.bowles

My main fear in life is failure. I’m trying hard to get over that one because it stops me from trying new things that I feel like I have no chance of succeeding at. I am also deathly afraid of vacuum cleaners. Just the sound of one running makes me nervous. I think it’s because one time when I was little my brother stuck the vacuum on my face and I was kind of traumatized. Also rapists, Yankee stadium, public speaking, and the third rail of subway tracks.

Things that make me happy are Mets wins, dancing with my little sister, when my dog jumps up to greet me when I get home, vegan cupcakes, Parks and Recreation, painting, Jose Reyes triples, the Manning family, and going to concerts.

What’s most important to me right now is being able to finally go to school and succeed. It’s taken me a really long time to get to this point so I just want to do everything I can to avoid screwing it up.

What I like least about myself is how quiet I am. I hate that I have so much trouble speaking up for myself. What I like most about myself is my determination.

I play the roles of sister, student, activist, artist, fan, intern, friend, ally, and survivor.

An empowering moment in my life was getting into college. For a long time in my life, everyone told me I would never be able to, that I wasn’t smart enough, that I didn’t deserve to go. Getting into school without any help from anyone made me feel like I had power over my own life and could choose what I wanted to be. Starting at Baruch felt like things were finally going to change, and new possibilities were finally going to open up for me. I’m proud of all that I’ve overcome and I feel strong knowing that I don’t need to rely on anyone but myself anymore.

My theme song is Pearl Jam’s Unthought Known because I feel like the lyrics really represents where I am in my life right now, and reminds me of where I’m going.

Feel the path of every day/ Which road you taking?/ Breathing hard, making hay/ Yeah, this is living

Look for love and evidence/ That you’re worth keeping/ Swallowed whole in negatives/ It’s so sad and sickening

Feel the air up above/ Oh, pool of blue sky/ Fill the air up with love/ All black with starlight

Feel the sky blanket you/ With gems and rhinestones!/ See the path cut by the moon/ For you to walk on

See the path cut by the moon/ For you to walk on/ See the waves on distant shores/Awaiting your arrival/ Dream the dreams of other men/ You’ll be no one’s rival/ Dream the dreams of others then you will be no one’s rival

A distant time/ A distant space/ That’s where we’re living/ A distant time/ A distant place/ So what ya giving?

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Who Am I

Posted on October 1, 2011 by megan.bowles

My name is Megan, I’m 22 years old and I was born and raised in Queens with my four siblings.

My little sister Katie is my best friend in the world. She knows me better than anyone else does.

We both love baseball. We go together to about 15 Mets games every year and we flew to Florida for spring training. They lose every year but we will always still believe. Shea is like my summer home.

I’ve been a feminist my whole life. When I graduate I want to work in politics so I can stand up for women’s rights and fight for the causes I believe in. I’ve been a vegan for the past seven years. Pearl Jam is my favorite band, I saw them in concert twice and they were amazing. Unthought Known has kind of become my theme song this year. I’m also an artist: I love to paint, draw and sculpt. I’m kind of quiet before I get to know people, but it’s something I’m trying to change. I’m still in the process of figuring out who I am.

My dog Bo <3

 

My main concern about my first year at Baruch is that I won’t do well enough in my classes. I am worried that I am going to fail Precalculus; I never really took Algebra so I feel really lost in that class. In general, I’m concerned I’m going to have trouble catching up academically since I’ve been out of school for six years. Sometimes it’s hard for me to speak up in class because I don’t feel smart enough to be there.
My other concern is that I will never be able to come out of my shell and make lasting friendships here. I’m very introverted, and I have a hard time talking to people and getting involved on campus and participating in class. People might think that I am not interested in getting to know them but the truth is I’m just painfully shy and it’s something I’m trying to overcome.
I think that my college experience is going to be much more positive than my high school experience. So far I’m finding the work load much more manageable. I’ve been able to keep up with my school work and still manage to sleep every night and take care of myself. In high school, I was overwhelmed by pressure from my parents to be perfect all the time, but now that they’re not involved at all I only have to answer to myself. It’s harder in some ways to not have support from my family, but over all I’m much happier. High school was a really difficult time for me, but now that I’m older I feel a lot stronger and able to handle things.
I hope by the end of my freshman year, I’ve started to find my voice again and become more assertive I hope that I learn a lot in all my classes and become confident in my abilities. And I hope I can make friends along the way.

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