Author Archives: michael.zhou

“When one fails at life, he is no better than a house pet.” That’s the story of my existence so far, as my apathetic personality would be indicative of. What makes a person? What indicates a man to be socially successful? General consensus would be having a good education, a good job, and a steady income. Well things don’t always go according to plan, as evident by my current situation. My name is Mike Zhou, I was born in Queens, NY. I am apathetic, lazy, unmotivated, and an overall bum. Personal interests include: sleeping, eating, drinking, and more sleeping, with the occasional playing of a video game from 1996 to pass the time.

I really don’t know why I am this way, just the above descriptions  become clear fact whenever I am tasked or am required to do… well, pretty much anything. Take out the trash? Sure no problem, I’ll get to it when its full(by full I mean overflowing). Help me carry these things? No, you shouldn’t have bought so much stuff. Run these errands? Do you really expect me to do all these things for you? I would rather spend my time sleeping, do it yourself you lazy bum(what irony). Of course, this exemplifies me as “a bad friend, a terrible student, a failure of a son, and a worthless person.” Which I have no argument against, because it is in fact, all true. Well its not that bad actually, because you get low expectations from others, so you never are below standard.

Fun fact: I was sent to military school. Potentially to fix myself, which it did help a bit. I was there for 4 years, and of course, when thrown into the proverbial room without an exit, I had to adjust myself. Though I would have to admit, I learned some neat things that shall remain undisclosed during my time there. Of course, I did end up just learning how to cheat the system, along with my roommate during senior year. We performed the literal bare minimum of what we had to do to get by, even though we were battalion staff officers somehow. Morning formation at 7:00AM – 2 guys are seen casually walking out of their dorm at 6:58. Of course, once out of military school, I just resumed my normal pre-military school life as if nothing happened. In fact, it would seem it had a reverse effect, as I just wanted to do nothing to make up for the time I was forced to do things there. I ended up dropping out of Stony Brook a month into the first semester- my motivational problems arise again. Well I’m back in school now though, I guess that counts for something?