Author Archives: elizabeth

It most definitely does not feel as though almost 5 months have gone by. I have to say in this time I’ve learned to take Baruch more seriously. I never really openly doubted the level of intensity of Baruch or CUNYs in general but I have to say I’ve learned my lesson: I can’t just get by on mediocrity here. Even if you’re higly intelligent it still takes effort and dedication to do well here which I’ve learned the hard way. As far as hat I expected college to be I don’t think Baruch met all of my expectations, I wanted the traditional collegiate campus feel but baruch is totally different. It’s definitely more modern than some other schools and it does take more effort to meet new people since most of the students are going from class, to work, or to hang out with friends. It took some getting used to but I’m starting to like the campus a bit more. I’ve lived in the city all my life but so I wasn’t expecting to want to be surrounded by trees and old buildings. As far as academics are concerned Baruch pretty much met my expectations. I think I was the one who didn’t meet what was expected of them.

I can’t lie; I don’t think my first semester went very well. I guess it was a learning process. No one is going to tell me what I have to do here. I have a certain level of control and I haven’t done so well with it. I guess making mistakes is pert of maturing. I’m learning from the mistakes I’ve made and I’m trying to finish out strong, which I know I can do.

I would definitely not have missed class as much as I did. It really creates a large ‘catching-up’ distance because we don’t have class too often. I would have said no to some events I was invited to in order to focus on school. I definitely would have spoken to more people here at school and gotten to know the area better. There’s always a point of getting comfortable as well. I was scared at first because I thought all of my classes would be extremely difficult but some of my classes were easier than expected which caused me to slack off. Definitely would’ve stayed on my toes more.

I think I’ve changed in the sense that I’ve become more decisive. Before I entered college I had help making all of my decisions. Here I have to make many decisions on my my own and that has carried over into my personal life. If you had asked me just a few months ago what classes I’d like to take I’d probably give you a blank stare and then go ask someone for help but now that I’ve had to make these decisions at school it’s easier to do so in other situations.

The Thinker.  I’ve been thinking all my life. I’ve never stopped; I’ve thought about too much and at a time, which I felt was far too early. You can call it maturity but at times I called it torture and besides I think maturity is measured by mature actions rather than words or age (you can be seventy years old and still get in fights with your hundred-something year old parents about the mess in your room). Who but God can know the depths of the human mind? Millions of ideas, words, moments I remember just appear in my head at moments that usually aren’t best. Still, I realize that I’m blessed because I have this mind. No matter how much I feel like I don’t want to be who I am, I always find moments that I love in this lifetime process of growing up.

Rain. Rain. Rain.  It’s cold when it rains and though I love the rain, a sort of heavy feeling comes over you when it rains. I never want to go anywhere. I just want to grab a blanket and huddle in it until the sun comes out again. It rained for the first few days of college. I felt that same heaviness, wanted that blanket, and just didn’t want to move. I guess it wasn’t just the rain. I realized I was growing up and I didn’t want to. But life is constantly moving, so like the rain, I had to hit the pavement. It was hard. I wasn’t to happy with where I was. I was angry as systemic issues with CUNY. A little upset that I’d have to travel to a crowded city. I had to get back to work again after a long summer of doing nothing but relaxing. I had no idea of anything I wanted to do and I was a person who was still a child in the sense that I would wait until something was done for me but I kind of needed to just…

WAKE UP! Who’s going to do anything for me now? I have to start moving I have to start making some decisions and actions for myself. Who cares if I end up messing up a bit? That’s okay. What, do I expect never to make a mistake and just not try anything in life? Overdue library books get you overdue fines, and those stop you in your tracks. So I can’t just keep waiting for things to get done. Right now, that’s out my character a bit, not in my script so to speak. I have to change. Can I? Can I really change at this point or are my ways set in stone?  No, I can change. I can’t become someone else, that’s just unnatural, but I can change my attitudes. It’ll be difficult since laziness is my vice, but I can’t stop! I can’t just quit at school even if I want to. Life I know will be 10,000 times harder if I do. This education will make life easier even though it brings some hardships now. I have to make the most of this experience. I have to be, be aggressive! Woo!

SO. Maybe my scholarly life has taken off but it seems my personal life hasn’t. I feel like I hit a snag at home. I mean not cleaning my room doesn’t deserve a ‘what is this world coming to!?!?!?’ kind of lecture does it?  But it’s true I’m not living up to my end of this deal. My parents grow older and I have to grow up as well. It’s tough. We do argue. I realize at times I’m not even really angry sometimes. Do you ever get that? I’ve done things I can say I’m not proud of. It’s not childish things like stealing, although I guess I’ve taken something intangible like, peace. It’s not childish things like yelling over people… well maybe I have been immature. I guess it’s hard to see if something‘s childish when you’re not on the receiving end… listening to the nonsense.  It’s difficult when you realize you’ve been a fool. Although my generation doesn’t always believe it with age comes wisdom most of the time. My parents have been through a lot. Raising eight kids (of which I am the eighth) probably giving up so much of what they wanted for us. I treat them like they’re the children but in reality they know so much more about this world than I do.

LORD. I can’t deny the fact that I’m a Christian. It makes up who I am, even if it’s tough to speak up about it. You might think it’s crazy but it’s love. I’ve been through a lot in my relationship with God and it’s been rocky sometimes but all I want is to move forward and love others, even if just a fraction,  the way that God loved me. I can’t lie; life and people don’t make it easy.

So who am I? Am I a library book stealing, messy, creative, funny, laughing, Christian girl, an artist, a singer, a human, a Queens resident since forever, daughter of a king, a sister, a fool, a girl, an aunt, a genius, someone on the train, an economist, a success?  Who will I be? What will I do? Where will I go?

I’m Elizabeth Urbaez  and  I won’t find out until I get there…

(Mandatory is an icky word.)

My name is Elizabeth. It’s hard to say who I even just think I am.

I am the youngest of eight children. I think I’m a person who can be a bit to too hard on herself at times but funny enough,  I’m fairly lazy, and a chronic procrastinator, when in comes to school work. That’s something that will definitely have to change about me. I’m not an incredibly shy person. I usually manage to speak up in a class but I’m someone who values peace and quiet ( which makes the library one of my favorite places here at Baruch). I think I’m a pretty funny person. I try to keep things light but I can go into deep thought about so many things, my mind never stops racing.  I’m an artist, I love both music and physical art. I’m the daughter of a king! God is an enormous part of my life and my relationship with Him is constantly a work in progress. I try to think that I’m a nice person most of the time. I know I can be jokingly mean sometimes but I’ll never get mad if someone tells me they were actually hurt.I think I’m a gentle giant.

College has given me such a weird feeling. It’s like stepping on a warm wet rug. ( that’s a terrible analogy). It’s a bit uncomfortable because I feel like I’m still a kid but my life is moving forward into adulthood. I’m not too afraid of growing up but my first days of college made me realize I have to start making some decisions about my life which is always scary. I’m honestly debating whether to stay here at Baruch. There’s nothing wrong with my classes, the teachers are nice and I am learning a lot so far, but right now the school doesn’t seem like the right fit for me. I’m going to continue on with this semester and see where it takes me, because I’ve only been here for a few weeks I haven’t experienced everything. Nor do I really know what I want to do. I will ( and already am) having problems organizing my workload. Some classes have online homework and I always forget about those assignments because I’m so used to having a hard copy in front of me.

On that note, that’s one of the biggest differences between college and high school. The difficulty and workload between the two aren’t really far apart so far, maybe a bit more reading but that’s pretty much it. The big difference academically is the use of technology. Blogs, and online homework were pretty much non existent in high school so I’m used to just having handouts and that trips me up. Just this morning I realized I had an online math assignment that I hadn’t done; I had totally forgot it. This school is far bigger than my high school which had about 500 students, total. I went to a large middle school so it’s not like I can’t manage but I miss being able to meet people more easily.The commute is cut by about half an hour from my old school, which was in the Bronx, so that’s a nice change.

My first year of college will definitely change me because I have to start thinking about so many things. I don’t want to wait until the last second to pick a major but I want to really figure out what I want to do before I just jump into something. I really have to do my research. Having later morning classes has already made me appreciate sleep in a whole new way. I know this first year will change me a bit because I already am changing. Hopefully it’s all for the better.