Once you have accepted that the adversity is real, and you’re not in denial, the next natural reaction is “scape-goating”. We naturally look for someone or something to blame for the mess we are in. It must be someone else’s fault. He is to blame not us. We become enraged. We can’t see past our anger and resentment. We can’t move forward to overcome adversity if we are still holding a grudge.
So Step Two requires that we realize that there neither is nor can there be a scape-goat. There is no one to blame.
This step logically follows from Step One: if you truly accept what happened and you have the faith that everything happens for a good reason, then anyone who causes you harm are simply “messengers”. Therefore, the idea is “don’t shoot the messenger!
The goal of step two is to let go of hatred, resentment, blame, criticism, anger, rage and fill your heart with forgiveness, pity, concern, compassion and even love. One of the prayers I say each is day goes something like this: “Give me the strength to tolerate people who irritate me, forgive people who hurt me, and love everyone else.”
Is it possible to learn from an experience if you don’t accept that it even happened? Can you make a change if you’re still in denial? If you’re too busy playing the ‘blame game’ – can you stop and try to figure out the lessons that are imbedded in this adversity? Of course not.
The natural reaction to adversity is to deny, to blame and not make any real changes. It is unnatural to accept, face into it, forgive everyone, and learn the lessons.
1) “The first to apologize is the BRAVEST
The first to forgive is the STRONGEST
And the first to forget is the HAPPIEST “
2) “Life is short, so don’t HOLD back. Forgive like you have AMNESIA.
Believe like a little KID. Love like CRAZY…… and be YOURSELF!”
3) “Nobody is perfect and nobody deserves to be perfect. Nobody has it easy, everybody has issues. You never know what people are going through. So pause before you start judging, criticizing or mocking others. Everybody is fighting their own unique war.”
4) “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!”
5) “Forgiveness is the key to breaking the cycle of karma and reincarnation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean: “What you did was okay.” It simply means, “I’m no longer willing to carry the heavy toxic burdens of anger, resentment, and victimhood in my soul.” You can work on healing, uplifting, and changing situations from a place of forgiveness, instead of from a place of resentment. Forgive yourself and everyone, and you are free!”
6) “We must learn to live together as BROTHERS or perish together as FOOLS.”
– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
7) “Forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted.
But more than this…forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.”
8) “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that that situation is over, you cannot move forward!”
– Steve Marabo
9) “I am reminded of what one of my early spiritual mentors would say whenever I overreacted to what he was saying: “While I may push your buttons, I didn’t install them–you did.” What I learned was that every person who pushes my buttons offers me an opportunity to heal some aspect of my own being when I am open, aware, and teachable.”
– Dennis Merritt Jones.
10) “Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand, “Today my best friend slapped me in the face.” They kept on walking until they found an oasis where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:’Today my best friend saved my life’. The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, ‘After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now you write on a stone, why?’The friend replied: “When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”Learn to write your hurts in sand and to carve your benefits in stone.”
11) “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
12) “I praise loudly; I blame softly.”
– Catherine the Second
13) “You invite judgment into your life every time you judge others. To avoid this invitation to negativity, it’s best to stop focusing on others’ darkness. Instead, pay attention to their strengths. Today, be a horse with blinders. Look at only the good. As you develop this power, you will attract positive forces into your life.”
– Yehuda Berg