Category: Blog 4

I’m going over my essay for the sentence analysis. A couple things struck me. For example, I’ve noticed that my transitional words have improved and that I’m simply missing transition sentences. Instead of continuing these lines and cramming too much information into one, it would be better to break them up into separate sentences. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I try to squeeze a lot of information into a single line. I accomplish this by overusing commas. It’s fine to utilize these to convey a certain message, but overusing them is bad for both the reader and the writer. While I want to give the essay a more sophisticated look by employing better sentence structure, I still want my voice to remain the dominant point of view, so I’ll preserve that.

Reviewing my essay for the sentence analysis review I noticed a few things. For example I tend to notice that my transitional words were now effective and was lacking in transitioning sentence. I also noticed I had a few run on sentence and instead had a sentence that was now effective due to the length. Furthermore, I need to work on over use words in sentences to the point where the reader forgets what the sentence is saying and eventually loses interest. I need to keep improving on my simple powerful sentences.

Reading through my Comparative Analysis Essay, I was unable to come across too many issues with my sentence structure. I was unable to find any sentences or grammatical errors in the sentence analysis worksheet that matched up with any sentences in my essay.  In my own personal opinion, I still feel as if my writing style must improve and there are more things I need to learn about writing. I want to grasp the concept of writing to the point that it becomes almost second nature to me. However, it does reveal to me that I am at a level I am intended to be at, although it is not one that I am satisfied with. In the future, I hope to be able to improve my diction and my paragraph structure. As for the changes, I only plan to make the changes to my essay as suggested by peer review and the professor. These changes will change my essay to appeal more to readers and my audience.  Unfortunately, I will not be able to address this topic in further detail because I lack sufficient evidence to establish substantial grounds to believe that my writing may be as flawed as required to reach the word count.

In my essay draft, I found a couple different types of sentences. I am a bit surprised just because I thought I wrote similarly in all of my sentences. I had simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences. Simple sentences are easy to write so I usually start with those, but I find that the writing can then sound choppy if I use too many in a row. The sentence type I tend to use the most is complex sentence type. I gravitate towards those types of sentences, but I end up trying to change and edit them the most. Writing clear sentences that flow into each other is my goal. Because when I write I think it makes sense until I read it aloud or to someone else and I realize it just sounds good in my head.

After analyzing my rough draft I found that there were a lot of corrections I can definitely make. It all stems from how I structure my sentences in regards to what I’m talking about. An issue a notice a lot is that I try to cram a lot of ideas into one sentence. I do this by the overuse of commas or transitional phrases. It is good to use these to convey a certain message, but the overuse of them is not ideal for the reader as well as the writer. In the sentence analysis, I was able to find choppy sentences and also nominalizations. For example, ” This included lowering the expenses the local government used as well as pushing the poor and working-class out of the city”, this can also be considered a nominalization. I used too many ”and” when I could have simply simplified this sentence better. After carefully editing, the sentence would be ”The local government planned to lower expenses by pushing the lower class out of the city.” These changes make my writing look more professional as I am able to ground my ideas. 

Initially looking at my paper I noticed that my sentences were simplistic at first but then as the themes in the paper expand so does my form f writing. It becomes more complex and compound sentence. One main example of this was midway in my main paragraph where i compared two separate ideas and my from of writing reflects that. I use a comma right after an independent clause.  I also used the worth “yet” often to show disparities  between my analyzing of two topics. Now with my next revision ill make sure to enhance this but not overbear. I still feel that simple sentences still need their purpose and are there for a reason.  While I want to add a more sophisticated look by using better sentence structure,  I Still want my voice to be the main viewpoint of the essay so keeping that will be new.

My sentences in my draft did not really surprise me at all because I know what type of writer I am and my writing style. I noticed that I had a mix of compound sentences and simple sentences. It is integrated into my paragraphs, there is not really a certain area that I see happen more often. My writing style is very rigid in the beginning because it makes me feel like I have an idea of what I am going to write and as I write, it becomes more freestyle and not as organized. I realize that I have complex sentences here and there in my writing and as I revise, I am able to pick them out and adjust them to use as possible topic sentences and intro to paragraphs because they are very strong sentences. I want to change my simple sentences and where I include them because it will better my writing in the sense that my thoughts are more complete and not all over the place. I want to make sure my sentences lean more towards complex and compound sentences with a mix of simple sentences. Overall, I want to turn my simple sentences into more organized and detailed sentences which help my essay set a much better tone. Word choice and tone mean alot in my essay because I am trying to set a voice for the Chinatown community not only for gentrification but the goal is to educate and bring awareness so that other people want to know more and find ways to support.

As I went through my sentence analysis I noticed that in the start of my essay I would have a lot of simple sentences and as you read later in the essay it’s mostly compound and complex compound sentences. I also noticed that some of my sentences can be combined while others can be cut. I would say my writing style starts off simple because it’s just the introduction but it becomes complex at the end. I will fix my excessive and choppy sentences. These changes will enhance my writing because it will allow readers to know my main idea clearly and it will allow them to think critically.